Our guest blogger, Tricia, provides a word-for-word account of the Very Low Calorie Diet (VLCD) program at Dean Clinic, part of the Comprehensive Weight Management program. If you’ve been reading along, you know that’s a fake name, but she’s absolutely a real person, we swear. And at this point, you know that some of the things she writes about we couldn’t possibly make up.
When we last left Tricia, she gleefully reported that she has lost nearly 30 pounds on the VLCD program. Now she’s down almost 36 pounds! There have been struggles and temptations, but the program is absolutely working. So where does she go from here?
Shopping. Duh.
April 18. Time to go shopping! I usually only shop when the spirit moves me or when an event requires something specific – or at least more wonderful than what’s in my closet.
I’ve become a much crankier shopper as I have gotten older. Having gotten larger just made it worse. The twenty somethings who ask me “Are you finding everything?” drive me nuts. As a younger woman I would keep my response to myself. More recently, depending on how frustrating it’s been finding anything that fits, I find myself blurting out my response: “I wasn’t looking for everything.” (Note to self: Do not become a shopzilla. It is not the salespeople’s fault that you grew into larger sizes.) And could you turn the music down, just a little? Am I wrong to think the music should enhance the experience rather than dominate it?
So it’s Sunday afternoon after a pay-day Friday. Let’s review: No stress. Check. Open mind. Check. Let’s do this!
I am in desperate need of pants that fit. Everything I own is now too big. Wonderful, right? Well, yes and no. I am far too picky about how pants fit. They can’t be too long or too short or too baggy in the leg. A little Spandex is always a good element. (Not the Olivia Newton-John-as-Sandy-in-Grease kind, but the subtle added-in kind.) Great invention. Even jeans now have Spandex.
I went to a large anchoring department store at West Towne (I won’t name names, but I’d reeeeallly like to) and walked around several departments grabbing things that might make the cut. I finally got to the fitting room and encountered a Brunhilda clerk who saw my arms laden with options. She scoffed and gnarled in her deep, mean Brunhilda voice, “Just six items are allowed at a time.”
Younger Me would have said nothing and complied. Older Me found myself looking her square in the eyes and saying — in a stretched-out drawl, mismatched with my slight, forced smile — “You’re kidding, right?” She replied, “No, ma’am, I am not kidding. That’s the policy.”
I muttered to myself that it was a dumb policy, then responded as clarification, in my s-l-o-w voice, “So, you want me to hang all but six of these items way over there and keep getting redressed to come out of the changing room to get the next group?” “Yes, ma’am,” she replied, then added with a sparkle, “some women don’t even get redressed. They just walk out in their underwear.”
As if! Is that what I’m supposed to do? Really? Maybe it’s just a dumb policy.
As soon as she turned her back I ducked into a changing room with everything and spent a good long time trying on my bounty. Overall, I spent over two hours trying on clothes at various stores. I was happy to be in smaller sizes, but even then, shopping is still shopping.
I have a friend who can just walk into a store, grab a suit in her size, buy it and take it home. She doesn’t even try it on! If I shopped for two hours using her guerrilla tactics, I’d have closets full of stuff that doesn’t fit. Meanwhile, she’s in and out in five minutes.
I left with just a weekend skirt and one pair of work pants. Pretty lame, considering the time I spent. Guess I’ll never make the Shopping Olympics team. But at least I can go to work one more day next week wearing something that fits.
While I was finishing up my exhausting dressing and redressing marathon, my cell phone rang. It was one of those calls that launched me into a different dimension. It was my very good friend. Her mom had died. Instantly my shopping challenges got slammed into proper perspective.
To see all of Tricia’s blog posts, just use the keyword “Tricia” in the search box above.
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